Different faces of me

Monday, May 22, 2006

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car
stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I
carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home.
She was then plump and shy.
I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene of ten years
ago. The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had
a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the
assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb.
She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got
home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was
more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony.
Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her
stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.Dew said, You are
the kind of man who best draws girls. Her words suddenly reminded me of
my wife. When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful,
will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant.
I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn' t help doing so.
I moved Dew's hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture, O.K.?
I 've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy,
because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea
of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something
impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how
mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was
a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in
front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together.
Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was
the means of my entertainment.One day I said to her in a slight joking way,
suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds
without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too
far awayfrom her. I couldn' t imagine how she would react once she got to
know I was serious.When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped
out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried
to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint.
She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, Divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I
nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more. When my wife served the
last dish, I held her hand. I 've got something to tell you, I said. She sat
down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I
didn' t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was
thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly. She didn't
seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned
her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not
a man! .At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew
she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could
hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that
she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She
glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman
who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger oneday. But
I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me,
which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of
release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed
to be firmer and clearer.A late night, I came back home after entertaining my
clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke
up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.She brought
up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything from me, but I was
supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time
we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would
finish his summer vacation a month later and she didnt want him to see our
marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, Do you still
remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question
suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories tome. I nodded and
said, I remember . You carried me in your arms , she continued, so, I have
a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we
divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from
the bedroom to the door every morning.
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to
end her marriage with a romantic form. I told Dew about my wife s divorce
conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what
tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her
words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I
carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped
behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a
sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I
walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said
softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son. I nodded,feeling somewhat
upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to
office.On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on
my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I
realized that I hadn' t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time.
I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her
face.On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is being
demolished. Be careful when you pass there. On the fourth day, when I lifted
her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was
holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became more
vague.On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as,
where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I
nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didn't tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the
everyday workout mademe stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult
to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her
out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed,
All my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it
was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because
I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again,
I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touchher head.
Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part
of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.
I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last
minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the
sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and
naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her
in my arms I could hardly move astep. Our son had gone to school. She
said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.
I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our life was
lack of such intimacy. I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce.
I'm serious. She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead.
You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I
said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce. My marriage life was
boring probably because she and I didn t value the details of life, not because
we didn t love each other any more.
Now I understand that since I carried her
into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I
am old. So I have to say sorry to you. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She
gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked
downstairs and drove to the office.When I passed the floral shop on the way,
I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favourite. The salesgirl asked
me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, I 'll carry you
out every morning until we are old.

from somebody's blog.. i decide to post it. it is very2 touching. and i actully cried non-stop.. if u ever wondered why suddenly ur relationship gone hay-wired, think of the VALUE.. *still crying*

HAPPY 21st BABY!! LOVE YOU LOADS!!

sealed with a kiss
1:05 PM